Forgive Me?
by jommyureyes08
Summary: Growing up with an alcoholic mother always made me question the type of mother I would be, But as I stand here drowning in your precious baby blue eyes every worry I ever had fades away. My 1st story, I hope you like it and please review. Thanks
1. My Sin's

Hey Guys,

This is my first story and I hope you all like it, but if you don't it's ok! Feel free to leave a review and tell me how I can improve my writing. Thanks!!!! Disclaimer: I Own Nothing; Dick Wolfe owns everything except Brayden Elliot ( The Baby)

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Growing up with an alcoholic mother always made me question the type of mother I would be, But as I stand here drowning in your precious baby blue eyes every worry I ever had fades away. All I can see now is the bright and shinning future that I want for you, Dean and I in Washington D.C. as I listen to your sweet little snores, I feel the guilt rise in the pit of my stomach when I realize that you may never know your real father.

"Your father was one of the greatest men I've ever known, and the one who stole my heart eleven years ago. I hope that you and your father will be able to forgive the sin's I committed but, I could never ask him to give up his family for the one night our partnership changed and we confessed our love for each other, giving me the greatest gift I've ever known. I promise that you, Brayden Elliot Porter will never have to live through my mistakes again, sweet dreams my brave little man."

"God please forgive me, and the sin's I've committed." As I start out the door I bump into Dean "Hey, baby how's our little man doing today?" I sigh "He's fighting, but I don't know how much longer I can take watching him suffer like this." Dean wraps his arms around me as we look in through the window of the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit at the nurse's running around the room tending to the precious babies that need their care "He's going to be ok Liv, He's strong just like his mom." He states giving me a little squeeze "I hope he's stronger than me, God I pray he's stronger." Silently I wish for a moment that Elliot was here with me, holding my hand and whispering words of comfort in my ear regarding the son we created instead of Dean

"Olivia can you hear me?" "What I'm sorry." I state snapping out of my thoughts. " I said that you need to get some rest" "Oh yeah probably" "Come on Liv" we walk back towards my hospital room, When I hear the one voice that gives me hope and shatters all of the plans I've made for Brayden and I "Olivia" My eyes meet his blue ones and all my walls break back down. "Elliot" I whisper as the world fades to black.


	2. He Own's My Heart

Hey Guys,

Thanks for the support on this story; I hope that it can live up to your standards. It means a lot that you guys care and that you're enjoying the story hope that you like this chapter, it might not be the best so feel free to tell me that. Please Review!!!!!!!!!! Thanks again,

Krysta

*Disclaimer: I do not own everything belongs to Dick Wolfe except Brayden Elliot (The Baby)

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"Elliot" Oh God!

I remember the feel of your skin against mine as we moved together, the faint smell of alcohol on your breath, the trail of fire that followed your lips as you trailed kisses down my… "Olivia, Liv can you hear me?" My eyes open slightly as a pounding begins my head and I struggle to regain enough strength to at least open my eyes all the way."Ugh what happened?" I ask feeling overwhelmed as my eyes open to meet his and memories flood my mind as I recall the events that lead me to greet the cold hospital floor. "Elliot, what are you doing here? Did something happen?" "No, everyone is fine, are you ok though that was quite a fall you took."I nod "You know for a FBI agent you would think he'd have better reflexes than letting you hit your head on the floor." He jokes as I begin to stand, still wobbly he wraps his arm around my back and the other holds my hand as we walk towards a chair. "Yeah you would think so." I give a subtle laugh as I feel the bump on my head begin to form.

"Where is Dean anyway?" I ask wondering if he somehow figured out that Elliot is Brayden's father and the one who my heart secretly desired & aches for every night when I lie in Dean's arms. "I believe he went to find your Doctor. Are you sure your ok, I mean Dean said that you were already in the hospital, but it's nothing serious right. You are going to be ok, aren't you Liv? Because I don't know how I could live if you weren't…" No I can't let him do this it would just make it that much harder to bare as he goes back to his life and family. "Be strong Olivia, don't let him in again. You can do this, He broke your heart once don't let him do it again." I repeat over and over again inside my head "Elliot please don't do this, I already told you I'm going to be fine. Now would you like to tell me what you are doing in Washington, or am I going to have to call Cragen and ask him why you're here." He sighs and I can see the unshed tears that are hiding behind his crystal blue eyes as he fights to maintain his emotions. "Why?" He asks as he takes my left hand in his and caresses it softly avoiding the white gold engagement ring that has been placed on my finger as a sign of commitment, ownership and overall lies, because the truth is that the only man that will ever own my heart is sitting in front of me.

How can I lie to him? He loves his children, how can I take his son from him? "Elliot I...I was…" "Olivia" I look up to see Dean staring at Elliot and I his eyes moving to stare at our hands as Elliot refuses to loosen his hold on my hand unwilling to give up on us now, after all of the damage we've done to each other and the pain we have caused the one's we love with being unable to deny our love for each other. "Olivia, what are you doing with Stabler?"


	3. why?

**Hey guys sorry it's been so long, I recently lost my mother and it's been hard to get over but I hope you enjoy this update. I promise not to take so long on the next chapters. Remember to review!!!**

"**Olivia are you going to tell me what's going on? What is he doing here?" Dean continued to rant as my headache grew bigger "Dean, it's not what you think." I stated as I placed my right hand on my forehead, trying to ease the tension that was building up in my head. Elliot maintained his grip on my other hand and continuously rubbed smoothing circles into my palm. "What the hell Olivia have you forgotten what this pompous ass did to you and….." "Dean, Please stop this Now!" I shout standing up causing Elliot to stand beside me, worried that I was still unstable on my feet.**

"**What's your problem, can't you see that she's in pain?" "don't lecture me on my fiancé Stabler, why don't you ask yourself why she's in pain to begin with?" "What are you talking about? What goes on between me and Liv is none of your concern." "That's where your wrong Stabler." "STOP IT PLEASE!" I scream "I can't deal with this right now." I sigh "Please for me, I can't….." I stop, suddenly I watch nurses and doctors run towards the hallway that I've had the misfortune of getting to know a little too well, I take a deep breathe as my heart begins to beat rapidly in my chest, and it begins to tighten with every step I take to the hallway that leads to the NICU. **

**My small steps grow bigger and before I know it I'm running down the hall to check on my sweet little boy. Coming to a stop I feel the tears running down my face as I stand looking through the hallway window to where doctors and nurses have crowded around my baby, Shouting "were losing him, somebody get a crash cart." "No" it's more of a plea with god instead of a statement but, either way It's enough to bring me to my knees, but I don't greet the floor instead I'm wrapped in a warm embrace. "I'm sorry" I mumble as I look at the tears of a broken man as he silently pieces together the last few months, including the way we ended things, my abrupt departure, my mysterious hospital visit which in turn brought us together once again, and what maybe his last chance at knowing his sixth child Brayden Elliot. "WHY?" he grits out in a painful whisper, and I once again ask myself that same question.**

**I don't own anything. Unfortunately! **


	4. Dreaming

Hey guys sorry about the wait hope you enjoy this chapter. Reviews welcomed!!! And as always I own nothing.

It all happened so fast, I don't remember all of the events that have taken place in this god forsaken hospital, but as I stare into his precious baby blue eyes I begin to forget everything around me as I concentrate on his five perfect fingers that are barely able to wrap around mine. I hear his footsteps as my little baby boy coos and smiles at me. I can hear the questions and hopeful pleas in his silence, but I don't know how to answer them.

"His name is Brayden Elliot; he's got your eyes." It's a simple statement about our son, and I don't have to look up to see the unshared tears that lie behind the eyes of the man I love. "How?" it's a question he deserves the answer to "After having five children you still don't know how their made?" it's a failed attempt at humor to lighten the tension and I can sense his aggravation. "I never meant for this to be where we ended up, I never meant for this to be where you met your son Elliot you have to believe me, I……" "You want me to believe that you weren't going to keep my son away from me Olivia, that you weren't going to marry Porter and allow my son to call him daddy." I know he's mad by the way he seethes my full name instead of Liv, but I deserve all of his hate and fury. "Would you like to meet our son? Elliot." For a second he has a dazed expression on his face but he walks toward the Nicu incubator. He's staring with a look of awe on his face and I take this moment to try and fix the mistakes I've made, starting with why I left.

"The last day we saw each other Elliot, it was the day I planned to tell you that I was pregnant and it was suppose to be the start to our beginning, but it all got so hard and complicated ….I umm...Kathy came by our apartment she said she needed to speak with you, I told her that you were out work. She asked if she could come in and talk, then it all went wrong….she said that she wanted me gone that if I truly cared for you and the kids that I would let you all five be a family… "oh god" and for a moment I thought she knew about our child but then she said she was pregnant with your baby, I could barely stand up….my head was spinning and my heart was shattering…I loved you soo much, I still do. I couldn't face her or you I didn't how to begin to ask you if it was your baby, so I told her to leave and to not come back then after she was gone I packed my stuff." as I went to wipe the tears that had fallen during my tell all a gentle hand was on my chin tilting my face, so that my eyes would meet his piercing icy blue ones.

His lips were suddenly pressed against mine in a kiss of need, want, pain, and most of all love. Our bodies were tight against each other as we fought for the thing we've been missing since I pushed you out the door to keep us from going back to bed and going for round five the morning we were last together. "Olivia Benson do you have any idea how hard it was for me after you left, my entire world stopped moving. I love you and I love our son, Kathy and I never had sex after you and I got together, you have to believe me baby: please!"It all sounds so sweet and it's what I've longed to hear but I know that the fact is we can't go back to the way we were "Your married Elliot, I'm engaged to Dean; I have to think about what's best for Brayden…" "Were what is best for our son Livvy: Together. I'm divorced I came here to fight for the woman I love that includes my son." I'm giving in and I've never felt happier. "We love you too, don't we little man" I coo as I turn my attention to our baby boy who is almost asleep. "We can do this Liv; you, me, and Brayden. I know we can if you just give us a chance to be a family." Elliot whispers in my ear as he wraps his arms around my waist pulling my back to his chest holding onto me as if he is afraid I'll run. We were looking at our son, as he waited for my reply "Elliot there is nothing I want more in this world than for us to raise our son together" "so that's a yes, right?" Elliot asks as places sweet kisses on my neck. It's as if we were never apart "Ahem" the intrusion startles us both as we turn around to see the one thing that will stand in our way "Dean".


	5. Fairytale Ending?

Disclaimer: I own nothing….I just want to say thanks for all the reviews and story alerts I hope you all don't murder me isn't over till the big lady sings and I've not done that yet LOL

"Dean…I…" I'm stuttering for an excuse as to why I've allowed myself to be wraped in another mans especially arms when I know that is a man Dean can't stand. Dean has been nothing but kind, generous, loving and understanding ever since I showed up on his doorstep uninvited looking like a wet dog with black rivers of masscarra running down my cheeks in the pouring rain telling him that I was pregnant and that I didn't know where else to go.

He held me, he never forced me to kiss him or to one day wake up and smile at the thought of seeing him or holding his hand as we found out that Brayden was indeed going to be a perfect little boy I wanted it, I wanted it all, I wanted the best for my child a mother and a father that was the promise I made to Brayden but also to Dean and myself

So how can I take that from him now?…. he's been with me every step of the way we have even talked about giving Brayden a bother or sister later on this was the dream every woman wants the one I want he's just not the man I always imagined being in our family christmas cards: Elliot; and he was standing here telling me he wanted me and Brayden with him, But I've already promised Dean a family he's always wanted.

How do I break one mans heart and a piece of mine? I pull away from Elliots grip and look back and forth between the two men who have a special place in my heart and I make the choice for Brayden because he deserves a real chance at a family and so does he.

" I'm Sorry I…I can't do this….we can't pretend anymore I've made my choice and I'll always care for you, maybe even love you but I have to do whats best for Brayden, he needs stability, we can give him that and your more than welcome to be apart of his life because you'll always be his father Elliot . " I can see the tears that have made their way down his cheeks and I'm not that surprized because there also running down my this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do but I have to make sure Brayden has the perfect life because he deserves it and I'll put on a smile for him Because even though my heart is shattering I know that he will never have to worry about having to bury both his parents because if anything ever happened to Elliot in the line of duty he would have Dean and me since we both agreed to take desk jobs to make sure we came home safely.

Choosing Elliot would mean that if anything ever happened that I would be left alone to raise our son with his precious blue eyes and I'm too afraid that my mothers genes of abuse and alcoholism are buried inside of me and without Elliot to keep me sane I would likely take my life to escape the pain leaving Brayden alone. I wipe the tears away and back away from Elliot when I back up into What I assume is Deans torso I look up to see unshed tears as his hands come up and lightly brush away the tears that are rapidly falling down my face, he places a light kiss into my hair as he holds me close then he suddenly pulls away and walks to where Brayden lays sightly cooing and smiling unaware of whats going on around him. Dean leans down and takes Braydens hand in his own and softly whispers something to him, he stands places a hand on Elliots shoulder and says "take care of her Stabler"

He walks towards the door but not before a kiss is placed upon my cheek and he whispers " It's the fairytale ending any child deserves and the beginning I want for you and Brayden. Liv you don't have to be afriad of tomarrow, you just need to live life to the fullest today and every day your blessed with on this earth for you and that precious boy" and like that he's gone and I'm left standing alone with a man whose heart I just broke.


	6. The Greatest Man

Disclaimer: I own nothing...thanks for the reviews and story alerts it means a lot to me

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Time was at a standstill as I continued to look at the door where Dean just left; Elliot had turned away from me to play with our precious boy. I turned around and watched as the father and son interacted, and sad smile found its way onto my lips. I sat in the rocking chair waiting for the moment that Elliot would be willing to talk about what just happened, I silently prayed that the sleeping children that surrounded us would help us both remain quiet and at least allow him to hear her out.

"So...I...don't really know where to begin El" I state in hushed voice

"How about the beginning?" or "Why you didn't want to have a family with me? Or How about how just less than 10 minutes ago you where choosing Dean? When you said you still loved me huh Olivia?" I hear the slight crack in his voice and I know his heart is broken and I'm the cause.

I owe him the world the least I can do is tell him the truth "Because El, I'm terrified of being with you again: of getting hurt or worse having Brayden's heartbreak because if anything ever happened to you I...I don't know if I would be able to survive without you. Elliot you are my everything, but Brayden deserved a chance at a happy family and I thought that I would at least be able to keep living if dean was there to help me with Brayden...I would Always be in love with you El but I was willing to sacrifice my happiness for Brayden's. I'm so sorry Elliot."

There was the truth and now I sat there rocking back and forth waiting for Elliot to stand and leave me once again but that never came, instead he crouched down in front of her grasping her hand. "Oh Liv" "I can't promise you that we won't fight or get mad at each other but I promise to never run away or to let you runaway again because we deserve a life of happiness together and I will always be with you no matter what happens watching over you and Brayden and any other brothers or sisters we plan on giving him" I see his cocky grin settle on his face and I know that he has forgiven me and just wants me and Brayden with him forever.

"I'm pretty sure 4 sisters and a brother are more than enough siblings for our little boy El...don't you think? I laugh until I feel Elliot's lips cover mine is a soft, gentle kiss unlike the one before that was filled with built up sexual tension, need and passion. "I think I want a little girl that looks just like her mommy and Brayden would make a great big brother, don't you think?" "yeah I do" I state as the first tear of happiness falls down my cheek while Brayden lets out cooing sound letting both his parents know that he agrees with wanting to be a big brother.

I silently know that God forbid that anything ever happened to Elliot that I would never be alone and that I would keep living because Brayden deserved to know how amazing of a father he, his siblings had and I would make sure they knew That Elliot Stabler was the greatest man on the planet, their father and the only man she will ever be in love with.


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